What made the experience so special was the fact that these blood acquisition specialists God bless them , pose this same questionnaire dozens of times per day. Becoming so used to the script, its delivered in an almost lightening-round, Twista type style, chipping away at its integrity with each multisyllabic term effortlessly articulated. Then, my sexuality is questioned. Fair play questions such as condom usage, history of STDs and the like set up a beguiling sense of assured professionality and security.
Soon after letting my guard down, I injudiciously head towards the money symbol embossed burlap sack laid conspicuously atop a pile of loose leaves and twigs in the middle of the forest.
Soon after, shaking my head in utter humiliation, I hang helplessly from my ankle lazily swinging back and forth, mercy to the moronic questions ahead.
While I do consider myself politically progressive, I am not a fan of politically correctness. I did however, take offense to them asking if I was gay.
Secondly, they didn't even have the brass to ask, pardon the pun, straightforwardly; instead opting for, "Have you ever had any sexual contact with another man? A very random yet specific date, something like May 12 th , I couldn't figure out why an international non-profit agency would be collecting such information. Possibly for statistical purposes, but a red flag flies high whenever I hear questions like these in such a context.
Certain information is, and should remain private. All that being said, no homo. Probably the most endearing aspect of the quiz is that these people think they're slick. Most of the questions are repackaged, rephrased and repeated during the session. A question such as, "Have you ever worked as a prostitute? The first thing the nurse does is look over your arms for track marks, which always leaves me feeling unsettled for some reason. Following this, the nurse checks the iron levels in your blood by pricking your finger, and drips a droplet of blood into a solution in a test tube.
If the drop floats, you have deficient levels of iron in your blood, if it sinks, you have a healthy amount. I playfully forewarned her that my blood was so rich, it would sink with the quickness.
Returning my jest, she sweetly replied, "alright, we'll see then…" After allowing the drop to fall into the tube, a rush of fluid erupted out of the spout, drenching us in the saline fluid while my globule of blood remained anchored to the bottom. I turned to her slowly, wiping the scientific elixir off my face in a slow and deliberate manner and gave her a look that smugly said, "I told you so".
Preliminary testing done, it was finally time to give blood. A different nurse is assigned to this task and demonstrates a very austere demeanor. I tried to loosen her up a bit, smiling, I bragged about how I was going to fill the bag up in six minutes.
Without changing her expression or even pausing from her preparations, she flatly responds with the word "okay", but with the mannerisms of "I don't care about you". Now I know everyone in the world can't be as cheery and warm as myself, but when your job is to stab people in the arm, and take a large portion of their blood, their vital fluid- I'mma need you to be a little more receptive to humor and making people feel comfortable, m'kay?
My arm is cleaned with iodine and the needle is inserted, which I always insist on witnessing for some gruesome reason. The needle is then attached to a tube that connects to the blood bag, which hangs empty on a weighted scale. When filled to the appropriate weight, the bag drop and the weight lifts, indicating a complete transaction. I make note of the time as soon as the crimson trail begins to race down the stretch of tubes.
I kill time sending text messages on my blackberry while massaging a stress reliever with the other hand to increase blood flow.
I have a patented rhythm that I pump and squeeze to, which is part of the secret to my success. Don't even ask me what it is, for I have already said too much. Time passes and I'm not really paying attention. I look up at the clock and 8 minutes has passed.
I look down at the bag and it has dropped; the weight now in the raised position. I'm disappointed with myself for not paying attention to my time, while inside- I know in my heart of hearts it wasn't my best effort. All subtle attempts to get the nurse's attention go unnoticed. Thankfully, another nurse alerts her that my bag is dropped and I'm done. She looks over at me and casually says in a muttered tone, "be there in a minute", which angers me.
Again, this is my blood here, look alive woman! As she's taking her time tending to another patient, my blood bag drops off the stand and thumps on the floor. My patience has been extinguished. I tell her she needs to come and get this bag before it starts to bore a hole into the ground. Romantic Sad Sentimental. Sexy Trippy All Moods. Drinking Hanging Out In Love. Introspection Late Night Partying. Rainy Day Relaxation Road Trip.
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